Doctor Cupid: 11 reasons why women cheat

May 16th, 2018 | by Yusuf Zay
Doctor Cupid: 11 reasons why women cheat
Doctor Cupid

That’s right. Another Wednesday is here and the doc is in the house. I hope you all had a wonderful week and I’m even wishing you all a much more romantic one.

So, recently there seems to be a wave of cheating news and scandals everywhere. Which never takes long to lead to the usual ‘men are scum’ tirade. True, men do cheat. But so do women. And while I’m not, or trying not to take a side here, I believe we all should focus more on understanding why people cheat rather than just charging onward with our planks and knives, yelling ‘burn the cheat!’

Hence, on the subject of cheating women. Yes people, women. It’s woman crush Wednesday right, what did you expect?  Having learned from other people’s experiences and literally every Nollywood movie there is, as well as insightful reads online, courtesy of all pro dad and here are the thirteen reasons why women cheat. Thank me later guys.


Emotional Disconnection
More than anything, women are fulfilled in a relationship from the emotional connection. When they feel like their husband no longer listens to them, hears them, or understands them, they feel alienated and alone. The only thing that relieves the pain of loneliness is the connection. If it does not come through their husband, the temptation to relieve the pain somewhere else is born.


bored woman

Everything has gotten comfortable. The day in and day out monotony leads to her being bored with her life and marriage. When everyone is tired, it can be hard to create romance and experience new things. Women long for the excitement of being pursued and feeling attractive. Some go searching for it and some have their head turned in a moment of weakness.

This is simple. The husband cheats and the wife sets out to get him back by doing the same. Afterall ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.’ Women that engage in revenge affairs rarely end up feeling better. Normally increased emptiness follows.

Deeply embedded wounds resulting from abuse include a low self-esteem and dissatisfaction in sexual relationships. Oddly enough, validation is sought out through promiscuity and attention from men. This may even happen when the husband gives his wife significant validation and attention. It is just not enough to heal the wound.

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Seiter went on to explain that emotional cheating may mean different things to different people, but it all boils down to the same motivation: “If you have an emotional need that you need fulfilled by your partner and you instead go to someone else to get that need met, then that would be considered emotional cheating.” He says some examples of emotional cheating include seeking someone else out to make you feel admired, important, reassured, appreciated, or approved of.


Intimacy fears

Being afraid of intimacy has the power to destroy a relationship in more ways than one. Charlotte Howard, Ph.D., says those who have intimacy issues may still seek out that sexual companionship, but not with their partner. She says some people may be “scared of intimacy in a way that allows sexual desire to only be felt outside of a deep partnership because there is too much closeness with a partner to feel safe merging through sex.”

A power play

a woman with power

Sometimes, a woman’s decision to cheat is nothing more than a tactic to show her partner who’s really in charge. “When women feel that they have no voice in their relationship, they may be more likely to stray,” said psychotherapist and relationship expert Rhonda Richards-Smith, LCSW. “If a woman feels she has little to no say with regard to household decisions, finances, or future plans, the temptation to step outside of the relationship can be particularly tempting. In fact, some women may feel a gratifying sense of power and control when engaged in a secret affair.”

Smith reminds us that cheating isn’t the only way to exert power, though. It may just be time for a serious discussion. “If your relationship is headed this way, it is critical to evaluate whether the partnership is flexible enough to allow for better compromise and shared decision-making,” she said.

You might not be surprised to hear that money may cause women to cheat, but the explanation for this is probably not going to go quite the way you thought. According to relationship expert John Gray, Ph.D. and author of best-selling novel Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, women are more likely to cheat when they have money, not because they’re going out looking for it. Gray says a woman’s financial success affects her testosterone levels, which, in turn, affects her love life.

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“As more women are financially independent, they are less dependent on their partners. This increases their testosterone levels and lowers their estrogen which is a hormone balance more similar to a man’s,” explained Gray. “This increased testosterone can increase her desire for sex with a stranger or a one night stand for fun. On the other hand, married women who are less financially independent will tend to have lower testosterone and higher estrogen. This balance increases her need and attachment to her partner.”

Easy fellas. Don’t shoot the messenger. Besides, it’s important to note that Gray isn’t saying financial success will automatically make a woman more likely to cheat, just more likely to act on that desire if it exists. “If she is fulfilled in her relationship, she is rarely even tempted to stray,” he added.

It’s no secret that as women begin to age, they start to feel like they’ve lost many qualities that once made them desirable, and Dr. Gail Saltz, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, author, and host of The Power of Different podcast, says an affair is one way women try to make themselves feel better about the whole thing.

“The search for feeling sexy, playful, and less sexually inhibited may also be the start of an affair, especially if fears of aging and loss of attractiveness are bothering her,” she said. While it’s true that starting an affair may make you feel sexy for a short while, the guilt of what you’re doing may end up making you feel worse in the long run.

Daddy Issues
We tend to blame a lot of our adult issues on things we’ve experienced in our childhoods, and Dr. Gail Saltz says that blame may be appropriate, at least when it comes to women who cheat — especially when they seek out older men. “Psychologically, women who enter into affairs with men who are 10 to 20 years older than them may be looking for affection from a father who never gave it to them,” she said. “If their father was gone, neglectful, or angry a lot, she may crave that paternal attention and seek it in the form of an affair.”

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Low self-esteem

low self esteem

Sometimes, having an affair is just a way for a woman to fix her low self-esteem, especially if her issues stem from her spouse, according to Renee Smith Ettline, Author of Peace after Divorce and founder of After Divorce Ministries. “If your husband takes you for granted, ignores you, or demeans you, especially over a period of time, your self-esteem takes a plunge. Women who experience this can develop a desperate need to know that they are valuable and desirable. Having another man want them is affirming,” she said.


Sexual incompatibility

It’s possible to connect with a partner on an emotional level, yet not quite hit that same mark in the bedroom. According to Dr. Jess O’Reilly, the resident sexologist for Astroglide, this can sometimes cause women to stray. “They’re incompatible and don’t know how to talk about their desires to improve compatibility,” she explained. “I’ve worked with several women who have had affairs and claimed that they simply ‘clicked’ with their lovers. It’s no surprise that the affairs didn’t blossom into long-lasting relationships either, because the real deficit is in their inability to communicate what they want in bed. They expect their partners to read their minds and when they don’t, they simply walk away or stray. They blame their lovers or partners, when in fact, it’s their own lack of communication that pushed them to seek an affair.”



In conclusion, nothing ever justifies cheating, but there are reasons it happens. There’s a big difference between the two. Knowing the reasons gives our marriages and relationships a better chance of not falling into this unfortunate end. And to make the equation balanced, next week we will cover men.

Enjoy the rest of the week, and please try not to cheat.


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