The humour merchant admits that even though it was very romantic at the early stage of their marriage, they have, over the years, grown to see themselves as “brother and sister”. He shares their bedroom secrets and speaks on what he cannot do in the name of love.
My marriage is stronger now than it was 30 years ago. At the early stage, the relationship was more romantic and there was a huge expression of love. But after a while, it seemed like the bubble had burst. In between, we had our ups and downs, and marriage, like any other relationship, is not devoid of pitfalls. At a point, you quarrel and later you settle your differences. Then you become brother and sister with sexual opening. To me, my marriage has been peaceful all the way. Now, I know my wife and my wife knows me.
Tired of remaining in marriage?
It is not that one is tired of seeing his wife around. But at some point you want to go outside and experiment. Unfortunately, what you would meet outside often times causes disharmony, and material loss. But the one inside is more peaceful and you begin to wonder whether it is worth the trouble going outside in search of emotional pleasures. The benefit you derive from sticking to the ‘one inside’ is stronger and lasting than what you think you derive from going outside. Furthermore, what you do outside complicates your spiritual and economic well – being. When you think of the trouble outside, you prefer to stay back and be happy with your wife. Do I feel tired or bored in marriage? The answer is no. It’s when you don’t understand why you need a partner in your life that you feel bored in marriage. Experience has shown that when the chips are down, your spouse will be the only standing beside you. If you feel bored with your spouse, then you are bored with yourself. This is because your spouse actually is you in the opposite sex. If you are angry or mad at your spouse, you are mad at yourself because your spouse is just you. Whether you like it or not, you need her just as she needs you.
I am very much open to my wife because in case anything happens tomorrow, she knows where to start from. My wife knows all my investments and she also knows all my friends. Most wives are more spiritual than their husbands. The man is busy thinking of how to settle his bills: house rent, children’s school fees, electricity bills, maintain the cars and ensure family upkeep. While you are concentrating on material things, let your wife concentrate on the spiritual things. Again, if you don’t open up to your wife, she wouldn’t understand when you are telling her that times are hard. But if you open up from day one, she will definitely understand when you cut down the amount of money you used to give her for family upkeep. In other words, any man who doesn’t open up to his wife is doing a great disservice to himself. In case of the unexpected, your family will not be able to trace your treasures. Changes I have changed physically just as she has changed physically too. We have also changed mentally. I think we have changed for good. But I wish my wife looks younger and sexier like when I met her 30 years ago. Having said that, my wife has changed over the years. Today, she’s a strong woman of God, an ordained Reverend at Foursquare Gospel Church, Surulere.
Has anything changed about her?
Not that I know because she’s human. But has anything changed about me too? Yes, I’m more spiritually inclined now than when we got married about 30 years ago. Also, I don’t have bad temper anymore.
My wife has been away in the United States for some time now. Even though I’m missing her, I’m coping well. All the years we have been together, she used to pick my phone calls, but, now, my children do that for me. Conjugal duties At this point, conjugal duties do not count. It’s more of companionship, chatting and interacting with her. The fresh is not really that active again as it used to be about 30 years ago.
Bedroom secret is what has taken our marriage this far; the lights out, the colour of the bed sheet and all of that. I’m not going to reveal that secret but it’s what has kept our marriage going.
This story first appeared in the Vanguard Nigeria.