Sounds far-fetched? No, it’s not. It is the way it is. Stop or you might find yourself in court answering to rape charges.
This simple rule governing sexual behaviour seems to have lost to some people. Like the young man who narrated how he actually ‘raped’ a woman who consented to sex but only to change her mind halfway into the act.
The reactions from social media users were opening and disturbing as many users prove themselves to be ignorant of what sexual consent means and does not mean. Some education and reorientation are needed, urgently too. And if you’re reading this spread the words.
One of the best arguments we have read on the subject yet is that of Nkiru Njoku, of MNet Africa. She reiterates that “after consent has been withdrawn, any penetration is rape,” noting that “a vagina is not jollof rice. It has an owner. If you are inside there and the owner was first enjoying it and then stopped enjoying it for reasons no one seems bothered to explore and she says ‘stop!’, you should stop.
Njoku also called out the society for maligning and criminalising women who engage in sexual activities noting that such attitude puts women on the defensive for having sex. A situation she implies that could perpetuate sexual offence against women.
Her words: “Because this society does not want her to own her sex, her initial desire for sex, her subsequent desire to stop the sex, and her annoyance at being forced after she no longer wanted the sex.
Read Njoku’s full post:
“There is a story making the rounds. A young man wrote about his encounter with a girl. He alleged that they had mutually consenting sex and graphically described how she pulled him close and announced her orgasm and subsequently asked him to stop penetrating her.
“He admitted to refusing to stop. And announced that he forcefully finished off and attained his own orgasm despite the girl’s insistence.
“Now he says the girl is accusing him of rape and is worried that she is ‘maligning’ him thus. Yes, after consent has been withdrawn, any penetration is rape.
“The online emotionality is understandable, after all, we are all human beings. When you’re eating yummy jollof rice and you are asked to stop and spit it out, ‘e dey hard‘.
“The difference here is that the jollof rice cannot speak for itself. So you can quickly rush and swallow the thing before the person that asked you to stop comes to slap it out of your mouth.
“A vagina is not jollof rice. It has an owner. If you are inside there and the owner was first enjoying it and then stopped enjoying it for reasons no one seems bothered to explore and she says ‘stop!’, you should stop.
“Is it easy? No.
“And perhaps she broke some unwritten rule in the book of sexual conduct which only you guys seem to have a copy of.
“But it is not your vagina. It is hers. ‘Oh she’s a wicked girl, how could she do that and still call him a rapist?’
“That’s fine, you can feel bad and you can call her names. But removing consent is removing consent. Not that you’ll take my word for it so please go ahead and debate it anywhere if you please.
“All of that is even second base, excuse the pun.
“My issue is this: has anyone spoken to the girl in question?
“No, don’t come here saying ‘if a girl says she’s been raped you people don’t wait to ask questions, so why does anyone need to hear her side of the story now that she’s been ‘called out?‘
“No, homie. She’s the one claiming to have been raped. If there’s any chance no matter how slim, that this was indeed the case, and she has a different narrative from what the young man wrote, which is not impossible, then you cannot in all honesty think that it is okay to run with what uncle has said and crucify her on the altar of public opinion just because you feel ‘somehow’ about a woman ‘leading a man on’ and then asking him to withdraw.
‘Your feelings are valid to you but when another person’s well being is concerned, your ‘why are women like this’ feelings of angst, are utter rubbish.
“Don’t tell me about the sex chats between them. Don’t tell me how she seemed so ready. Don’t tell me how HE SAID she orgasmed and moaned into his ear. Just tell me why after he alleged that she told a couple of people, he quickly came online and called her out, graphically describing what supposedly transpired.
“You know that our society wants to shame women for agreeing to have sex in the first place, don’t you?
You know that our society will call her a bad girl anyway, don’t you?
You know that even women will blame her and say ‘why did she go there sef?’, right?
“So the thing is already skewed against her. And that’s what’s annoying me now.
She is the one who will be on the defensive, explaining things.
Because this society does not want her to own her sex, her initial desire for sex, her subsequent desire to stop the sex, and her annoyance at being forced after she no longer wanted the sex.