Doctor Cupid: Polyamory is well and thriving in Nigeria and here’s all you need to know about it
Monogamy is still the most common and well-liked form of relationships in the world and in Nigeria today, but there are far many more forms.
Some close their eyes and ears to it, while others carry it on in hushed tones. No matter what, it is hard to say that polyamorous relationships do not exist.
Before you disagree, remember that it is all too common for men (and women) to carry on with extra-marital affairs many times with the knowledge of their usually disgruntled partners.
More interestingly, it’s something that some of your favourite celebrities are supportive of.
Jidenna, for example, expressed his full belief in it during an interview a while ago, and on Twitter.
He wrote: “I believe in monogamy. I believe in polyamory. I believe in marriage. I believe in non-traditional union. There are agreements & compromises to be made in every relationship. Most of all, I believe in Love & Honesty as the foundation. I’m looking for wifey…”
I believe in monogamy. I believe in polyamory. I believe in marriage. I believe in non-traditional union. There are agreements & compromises to be made in every relationship. Most of all, I believe in Love & Honesty as the foundation. I’m looking for wifey…
— Jidenna (@Jidenna) August 20, 2019
So, what is polyamory?
According to Wikipedia, Polyamory is Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved.
It is considered the most ethical form of non-monogamy. Of course, since everyone is being truthful with each other about how many partners and who those partners are, many consider it safer than actually cheating.
While it sounds the same as polygamy, it is important not to confuse the two.
Polygamy means entering a marriage with more than one person. In polyamory, the partners are usually not married. Relationships like this are usually about sexual commitment.
This is a vital piece of information, considering that bigamy is a crime in Nigeria.
How does it work?
There are many expressions of polyamory in relationships. Like everything else, it exists in fluid forms that can be tweaked and reshaped for every relationship.
It is definitely not a one size fits all.
That said, there are four most common types, and we’re sure you’ve heard of at least two.
Types of polyamorous relationships:
1. Open relationships:
This is basically cheating, but with your partner’s knowledge. Open relationships are almost always sexual and are done with your partner’s consent.
This couple has been married for 22 years and has been in an open relationship for almost half their marriage. According to them, their children are even fine with it.
Instead of sleeping with and committing to only one partner, polyamorous people have more than one sexual partner.
2. Solo polygamy:
Solo polygamists don’t believe in monogamy, they’re just single right now. Nonetheless, they absolutely do not believe in monogamy, at all.
They don’t believe in the societal constructs of life [be born, study, get a job, get married, have children,…]. Instead, they allow themselves the fluidity to figure things out as they go along, including their sexuality and their sexual partners.
This is basically what we’ve been telling you about throughout this article.
It is the simple practice of taking more than one partner. You’re not cheating though, because your partners know themselves and you all agree to be in a polyamorous relationship.
You don’t have to feel something or anything for them, you just go with the flow and see how it goes.
Many polyamorous relationships involve three or four people.
When we said you’ll know at least one of the common types, we really meant this one.
It is more common for men to take more than one wife, but polygamy is so fluid.
In August 2013, a Kenyan woman made the news by marrying two men whom she had been in a relationship with. It sparked a lot of debate, but as far as is known, they are still together.
Polygamous relationships take many forms and partners just have to find the form that suits them.
How to practice polyamory
If you were expecting a how-to guide, then, sorry, we can’t help you. You’ll have to figure that part out on your own.
However, we will say that the key to polyamorous relationships is ethics; everyone involved must be completely honest if they’re taking multiple partners.
Monogamous relationships are also not 100% safe, but it’s best to be aware of everyone’s health status and make sure everything stays clean.
Bonus: Celebrities who allegedly engage in polyamorous relationships
- Tilda Swinton
- Lebron James
- Ashton Kutcher
- Will Smith
- Megan Fox
- This Nigerian lady
We’re sure that by this point, you have lots of opinions on this topic?
Are you polyamorous? If so, share your experience with us!
If you have dissenting opinions too, please share them in the comments section below.